I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
