put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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