goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
