Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
PANTIES FOUND
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