home. puking in laundry basket.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
