I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
