in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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