please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
