dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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