Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize