No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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