I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
