four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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