i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
