He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
