i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize