I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
