That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
