We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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