I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
