problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
