woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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