i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
