she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
