FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
