I forgot how hot balto sounded
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
