I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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