So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
