i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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