You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I am morally bankrupt
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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