quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
