Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
