today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
