Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
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