I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
