is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
