I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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