At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
