All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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