can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
