I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he was CRYING into my vagina
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
