Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
