you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I seem to have left my pride at pride
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
