There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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