Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize