i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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