Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
