Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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