Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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