Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
