awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
