That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
