Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
