Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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