Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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