Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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