shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
