im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
