She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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