Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
