Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You made out with two different species that night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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