Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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