I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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