And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So squirting runs in the family.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
