She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
