My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
