Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
