ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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