How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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