Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
