she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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