the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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