He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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