I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
