I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
