I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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