Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
