He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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