i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
