shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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