I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
