i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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