hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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