Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
