he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
