We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
